Is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This verse from Hebrews 11:1 has always been something I have reminded myself on, but truly living this out is much more painful than what I remembered.
I think throughout these months, being stuck in work politics took a toll on my mental wellbeing, but more than purely affecting me emotionally and mentally, it also affected me spiritually – in the sense that I had to listen to so many sides and keep neutral, but it was hard to, I started to rely more on earthly authority than the Lord.
But the greatest blow when I thought it was all going to be resolved and even got an official confirmation, only for it to be taken back from me a mere 3 working days later. It was as if whatever I went through the past few months didn’t matter at all.
I was back to square one.
Why? Until today, deep down inside of me, there is this question I so badly want to shout to the skies to ask. Why would this happen to me? Something i worked so hard for and so motivated towards?
But even deeper within myself, there is something even stronger than “why?” God’s call to trust Him – in the midst of struggling, of wanting to quit, wanting to give up and losing motivation – still rings and reminds me if this simple word: Faith.
No matter how much I cry or rant or ask why, I will continue to remain confident in the Lord, and to see where He takes me to next. And till then, I can only rely on Him as my source of strength, motivation and wisdom to get through each day.